Sunday, November 18, 2007

The hate of being in love,
When ur in love with someone, you know you cant control yourself but just to give in, what ever you have, what ever ur abilities are, what ever you have in that pocket of yours, everything you just want the best for that special someone. To be the truth, i am in love again. yes i am, I know its just 2months after i broke up with lee en dear, she still runs on my mind...but the love i have for her is fading away only small small pieces of her is left in me. 2weeks ago, i fall in love with her[someone else].

I know she was in pain, so i decided to help. But then when i look at her, i knew i was in love But i dunno whether my mind of feelings is playing tricks on me, I know after break ups that person will feel very lonely, and maybe desperately find for someone to replace that broken heart. I think i found someone to replace my broken heart, knowing this relationship would be a rebound. I gave it all my best, end up today. Telling my self "Asher is best that you stop loving her" I think i didn;t actually had any feelings for her, but then why did i cried? why did i feel hurt when the words she said to me? why do i always want to be close and look at her? just so many why!..

I hate single-hood yet i hate being in love, either way both side will slowly eat us up from the inside, causing lots of depression, sadness, emo, many more. Wei chin asked me once, " asher what do u want now? " I was in a conversation with her bout my feelings still towards others and lee en. I replied, I'm not sure,not sure what i want for i dunno wat i currently want rite now.
I guess now i can say that, I want to be Free from sadness, free from getting hurt. Saying things in life is such an easy thing to do, but doin the talk? Nah not easy. People can say your diff, cant suit me, cant this cant that and all we can say is, I will do my best and try to suit u this and that, but doin it is so hard that in conclusion is just ending what ever which has been build up.

How nice, if at this age we can find a lover who would be steady?? i know this too young but, yeah wont it hurt less?? knowing both side wont stop loving ea other, sacrifices would be made, this and that... isn't it nice??

I guess everything has its own goodness and badness, Choices we make, everything we do is our choices, and all we want or all i want rite now is someone to accept my choice. Finding that someone is so hard. And after finding it, keepin it is hard. Yet everything which is hurtful comes back... So??? SO?? what am i goin to do?? wat am i goin to say?? how is this goin to end up??

Currently my answer is: I DONT KNOW.

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